The title of Audiophile comes with great responsibility.  While some may toss it around loosely to describe anyone with minimal knowledge of music and listening equipment, we like to reserve it for the true aficionado who sinks every moment and dime into their passion.  So lets have a little fun and see if you might just be an audiophile.

You might just be an audiophile if…

Your audio equipment is capable of heating your entire home.

Forget the fireplace or high heating costs, however you may need to run the Air Conditioning 12 months of the year or move to Alaska to keep those transformers cool.

Wires, connectors, amps, tubes… any sort of audio gear turn you on.

At every turn there is a new gadget or adapter that is “guaranteed” to improve your tone.  Most of the time it is just another cash grab but when it comes to tone it really is in the ear of the beholder.

You are rehabbing from a hernia after you bought yourself a McIntosh MC2KW amplifier.

Your injuries consist mainly from heavy lifting and electrocution, and your doctor buys his own audio system with the fees from your medical care.

The word “burning” has nothing to do with dinner.

You may have calendars marking burn in times on various components or even timers running so you are sure to know when your equipment is in it’s prime listening condition.  This isn’t weird, it’s called being responsible.

Your cartridge is worth more than your wedding ring.

That is if you have found a spouse who can appreciate your keen ear and dashing good looks.

You know what a Koetsu is an aspire to own one.

They say it’s important to have goals in life.  Your are just a little bit different than most.

Your bucket list consists of going to the High End Show in Munich.

So your priorities are a little different than everyone else.  Is that a crime?

You roll your eyes when one of your friends starts telling you how great his Bose system sounds.

I was married once to a man who came home one night all excited to hook up our new Bose 3·2·1 Series.  Of course this made no sense as I work at thetubestore.com so owning anything other than a tube system is just, well, wrong!  But he loved that stupid monstrosity, even though the speakers crackled and the whole thing made me nauseous.  When people came to visit he would immediately point it out and crank it up to my embarrassment.  Honestly I am not sure how I managed to stay married for so many years, but the day I finally left I was really tempted to take his beloved speaker system (for lack of a better term) with me in the hopes of saving others from the audio carnage.  Instead I left it hoping that it would serve as a warning to others when he brags about his discounted, refurbished Bose system from 15 years ago.  RUN AWAY LADIES!!!

You sometimes listen to music without doing anything else.

There are music lovers and then there are Audiophiles.  As an audiophile you know that music is more than just sound in the background to sing along to.  Like a fine wine one must savoir every majestic note, alone, in your listening room, that probably only has one chair because company is overrated.

You have your local hi-fi dealer and technicians phone number on speed dial.

It’s ok to admit that these might be the only people who truly understand you.  My therapist said I need a new hobby but my technician said I probably would feel way better with a fresh set of 300B in my amplifiers.  Who’s advice would you take?

Your audio gear is worth more than your car…

Quite possibly worth more than the combined value of every car you have ever owned.  But really who needs a car anyway when you could be driving bigger speakers from the comfort of your listening room.

Your TV Screen is small, but your loudspeakers are huge.

Visuals are overrated anyway, aren’t they?  If you buy a top of the line TV tomorrow there is a solid chance it actually became old technology before it hit the showroom floor and depreciates the moment you walked out of the store.  That being said, you could probably get what you paid, if not more, for the majority of your audio gear.  Invest wisely!

Buying a house the deal breaker is how good the listening room is.

Kitchen, bathroom, bedroom… all overrated.  Now how are the acoustics of the living room?

You have a room filled with all the empty boxes that came with your audio equipment.

Just in case you do have some kind of mental breakdown and choose to sell one of your precious components, it could be worth even more with the original box.  I’m not saying that I do this but you know, it is possible I might have kept a few.

You find vacuum tube amplifiers to be life altering.

We can’t stress this one enough.  Tubes will change your life!!

There are more stages to your audio system than you can count.

No one said being an audiophile was going to be straight forward.

You are on an endless quest to perfectly replicate the exact tone and feel of live performances and original recordings.

Can you close your eyes and feel like the musicians are actually in the room with you?  No?  Keep trying.

You can hear clipping and NR from a mile away.

Superman didn’t have hearing as sensitive as yours.  You can hear the slightest variations swapping out components, sometimes you hear things that aren’t really there at all.  Don’t worry we totally understand.

The first house you bought cost less than your current stereo investment.

You could have paid the mortgage off years ago, if it wasn’t for the second mortgage you had to take out to retube your Audio Research Reference 610T amplifiers.

Your vacations involve hunting for rare record pressings, vintage wiring, or more audio gear.

Nothing like relaxing at a high end audio show surrounded by the very best in gear.  I can’t think of a better vacation, can you?

You cannot possibly calculate how much you have spent on audio in your lifetime.

It’s not about the money, you can’t put a price on quality.  Well maybe they can and odds are it is astronomical.

When you have more records than your wife does dresses and shoes.

There is no shame in this.  It’s an investment for the good of mankind, right?

You speak in terms that are foreign to pretty much everyone you know.

If you cringe at the idea of having to socialize with people who don’t understand ohms law, you are probably an audiophile.

You finally finish putting together that perfect system and you already know what you are going to replace each piece of it with in the future.

There is always room for improvement and upgrading.  Not to mention the fact that as we age and our hearing starts to fail you are going to need bigger speakers and more power to compensate.

You pay attention to the acoustics of a room… every room really.

Just like potato chips, it’s impossible to have just one system.  There are multiple rooms in the house, consider the possibilities.

You own several pressings of the same record because each one sounds just a little bit different from the rest.

There is no need to make excuses for having 5 copies of the same album, we understand.

You can’t remember your family members names but you can rattle off every component from your first system.

Deny it all you want but when you really think about it, it is true.  There is also a good chance that one or more of your children are in fact “coincidentally” named after an audio manufacturer or component.  “Conrad, Cary, McIntosh go clean your rooms!!”

We hope you found this as entertaining as we did.  Feel free to add your own lines in the comments below and maybe we will add them to this list.

*Collection of famous cartoons by Charles Rodrigues from  Stereo Review magazine.